Alex, the Hooloovoo (eelie) wrote,
Alex, the Hooloovoo

Melodrama in the extreme.

 I need some serious perspective right now. I have been hit hard by "Senioritis", but rather than simply enjoying my down time, I feel unbearibly guilty. I can't stomach the fact that I don't put effort into anything any more. That's just not the type of person I am. I've always prided myself on my passion for hard work, on my inability to half-ass anything. But I don't have that anymore. I can't even get myself off my bed to clean my room. It's taking a serious tax on my psyche. I've become completely apathetic and my sense of self worth, always notoriously high (<=kind of a lie, but still), has completely plummeted. To put it plainly, I really just don't give a shit about anything.

And now I've gotten into Brown University. I don't have to energy right now to make the kind of decision that's required of me. Money, housing, family... there's too many factors to take into account, and I just don't feel like dealing with it right now. But right now is the only time I can deal with it. Now or never.

So I need to get back to myself. I need to find myself again, because seriously, I don't have the luxury of just finishing out this year in quiet, hedonistic indulgence of my laziness.
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